chaos

First post in forever. Get this - have to take a UA tomorrow and it's the first time in years I haven't freaked out about it. Go-figure. I can finally pass a piss test without worrying. ha!

Long time, no post. :) I have a few cool updates:

1. 9 months clean
2. As of 8:45 this morning, I am officially an aunt. :)
3. Joined Mary Kay, so if anyone needs/wants anything, let me know.
4. Hating the 40 below windchills...
5. Got married December 29th.

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! Last Thursday I helped katelynruth across the street (6 points). In October I farted in an elevator (-6 points). Last Friday I gave musicgoddess917 a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). In April I punched jdevos3 in the arm (-10 points). Last month I committed genocide... Sorry about that, cyranomn (-5000 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-5015 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, azirah69

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Blood Thirsty Murderer You Feast On: Peanut Butter You Lurk Around In: The Backseats of Cars You Especially Like to Torment: Your Evil Twin

I had to put Wixon to sleep today... such a sad day for this family... the best I could find out was that his urethra was malformed and would eventually have caused him his life through toxicity. I hate to play God, but when kitty doesn't purr anymore because of being so uncomfortable (not to mention peeing incessantly all over himself), I think it's time... so... here's to Wixie. May he find the great catnip in the sky...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YENbElb5-xY

Check it.

Well, Wixon is back in the vet clinic... i had to bring him there over the weekend for a plugged urethra and it's not all "fixed" so to speak. He's needing to stay another couple of days, but man... this is getting spendy... I just wish there was more i could do at home. I was asked by joel at what point do we draw the line... i just can't put a price limit on a life...

Need we say more?

Wow. It's Wednesday already. I start a new job on Monday at Shopko at the customer service desk. :) I'm actually kind of excited to get going with this, but hesitant because I really like this time to myself. Orientation Monday, checker training on Tuesday. Should be interesting. :)

I e-mailed the church as well as two of the pastors and got a great response. I should know on Monday whether we can have the church for a December 29th wedding. It's going to be significantly smaller as we simply can't afford to invite as many people... so i'm really really sorry if someone out there doesn't get an invite. Show up anyway and I'll be happily surprised. :)

I did my first step on Monday and I've been helping Joel with his the rest of the week. I think his is nearly finished. Just a revision/edit from me and he'll be done! I might post mine at some point... it's really freaking long, though...

There's an XBox360 game that's had me addicted... Oblivion. Damn Jeremy for bringing that thing into the house. I love it, though. The graphics ROCK and gameplay is really interesting.

Still kickin. No use in 71 days. I never would have thought I would have this much sober time. Fuckin' a.

Oh, and not having air conditioning SUCKS ASS! Just thought I'd mention that.

So I went to the workforce center today to figure out what i might be good at... did an aptitude test... the career scope. I found out a few things. On the positive, I'm apparently good at everything and have the aptitude to do whatever I want. On the negative, I still don't know what the hell I want to do. Growl.

I really want to do something meaningful with my life...

Any ideas?

Worked out with Kate this morning at the gym. Had some fucked up dreams last night... I was in a video game, then I was with some other people fighting supernatural stuff (all magic oriented). I knew I was dreaming and even fought to wake myself up in it. Weird.

I'm getting really bummed about not having a job. I just don't know where to apply anymore... what would make me happy? Geez...

Well, so far still sober. *knocks on wood* I really haven't been "following my program" like I should. I've been finding anything and everything else to fill my day... laundry, watched a movie (Life as a House - which ROCKS), made pillows for the living room... but I still haven't worked on any of my paperwork in over a week. I feel pretty guilty about it. I just have a hard time sitting down and doing the damn thing. So many distractions. Reminds me of college - clean up the room THEN start the project. lol

Such a procrastinator.

Listened to the Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath) on CD. Pretty wild. I could relate to some of the stuff in it, but man... she was a whacko. It was Maggie Gyllenhaal that read it. I really liked her interpretation of it. :)

Well, I think I might go out and garden... sweat a little bit... then sit down to work. Hope for the best, I guess.

Had a great weekend of camping, though my bum is full of mosquito bumps. I'll post a few pics later...

As I was putting a CD together for Joel, he mentioned the Johari Window thingie and I looked it up. It's sorta neat. You pick 5 attributes that best describe you, then have a few other people do it. For those of you that know me well, please go to this site and pick 5 attributes that best describe me:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=ajbreczinski

Thanks! More later...

It's been a good and productive weekend so far... Got a lot of cleaning done today. Went to an NA meeting and get to be secretary for the Saturday night meetings from now on. :) I'm pretty pumped about that! We had a tornado siren go off this evening, too... it was spotted about 10 miles away (Milroy), so all the sirens in the area were going off. What do we do? Go outside and check it out. Funky clouds, partially blue sky, and no sign of a tornado. So goes the weather in Minnesota. :) I got a great picture of the rainbow a half hour later... double helix even! Too bad I can't get the pics from my cell to my computer yet. Grr... Wixon has been going nuts today - begging for food every 15 minutes or so, even going so far as to bite my elbow while I was typing! Crazy cat. He's so damn fat, too... I'm sure when they go to the doctor he'll be put on a diet. He's freaking huge. I'm supposed to play piano at WhY church tomorrow (an ecumenical service type thing at the YMCA). Should be fun. :)

Whoo! I'm really happy I have a membership to a gym. I don't know what I woulda done with all my adrenaline had I not gone and burned it off. I guess I woulda "burned" it off with a bowl, huh.

Well, hey, now I have energy, toned legs, and strong arms. Can't wait to hit the gym with Joel to do some work on the heavy bag. That rocks my socks off... great ab workout.

Found myself getting down earlier... had to pull out the serenity prayer - need to accept things I cannot change. That's so damn hard sometimes. So goes life...

Watched a few movies last night - I highly reccommend them. The Jacket and White Noise. Crazy flicks.

Started cleaning the office... that's a task and a half. Things are dusted and sorted, just need to find homes for it all. Which reminds me, I need more bookshelves. If anyone has some to spare, I'd appreciate any I can get.

Next is Jeremy's room... might turn it into my crafty room for while he's not around. It's a really neat room and it has the only window facing the south. So many projects... :)

My sister is in marching band and has been for the past 4 years. She tried out for a leadership position and they picked someone that's been kicked out of school for drinking IN SCHOOL over her. WHAT THE FUCK?! I'm ready to go egg the director's house. Anyone with me?

Well, I survived the weekend. No drugs, no booze.

Joel and I decided to take a road trip around SW Minnesota, checking out his parents' graves, my grandpa b's grave (which were VERY close to each other - weird!), my other grandpa's grave (in Willmar), and just enjoying the scenery. Saw a shit-ton of purple/blue phlox. Beautiful stuff this time of year. Which reminds me... I want to plant some in my back yard.

Cleaned the garage Friday, did dishes on Saturday... had great sex, too. hehehehehe We tried to go to an AA meeting on Saturday, but got the places screwed up and ended up showing up for the last few minutes of a NA meeting instead. Oh well. Got to see some people.

We're actually making quite a few connections. I'm a little bummed cuz most of the people that have a year or more of sober time are men. I got a list of possible sponsors and there are only 3!!! Seriously... give me more incentive to be one of those 3, I guess. :)

My sister came over this afternoon for a while. Played some video games, did a little yard work, and had lunch together. Fun stuff.

Reading a book about chronic hair-pulling. It's amazing to find out I'm not the only crazy one out there. :) Might even be able to get in on a study or two, as well! Anything to help...

40 days without pot or alcohol. Hot damn.

Got a lot of shit done today... cleaned out the garage (which was long overdue), finished the laundry, did the bills, and even had some time to play my video game (City of Villians - one of my favorites).

Joel got home around 6 and made steak on the grill... it was way yummy. I really miss good home-cooked meals. The stuff at treatment was really... industrial. Over-processed, partially hydrogenized, fed with high-fructose corn syrup salt licks for meat. Try and figure that one out. LOL! At least there was a salad bar... and desserts that prevented me from losing weight. :) Anyways, it's good to be home where I can cook my own meals and eat real food.

I got a copy of a song I wanted to be played at my wedding from my brother's friend Rachel today. Unfortunately, there is no wedding as of yet... but hey. I have it and that's what counts! It's such a beautiful song... God be in my Head. It's in 4-part harmony and is a real reflective, meditative peace. Wonderful stuff. :)

Had some wild and crazy sex that I'm sure the neighbors heard. hehehehe Can't beat that! It's wonderful to have someone that knows your body inside and out... and mind, too... makes for some great nookie. LOL!

Well! Yesterday I went with Joel to his out-patient family group. I didn't realize how much I missed the group stuff until I got there. It really helps with the mental health... having somewhere to go and vent addict problems. I've really come a long way, but I'm still falling into the "I think I know everything" mode. It's really not helpful. I'm sure it's annoying to some, too...

Towards the end of the group, the counselor pulled Joel aside and asked if I wanted to come back to group Thursday since my out-patient stuff doesn't start until June 4th. I'm really surprised he asked! Exciting stuff!

Talked to both of my grandmas today. It seemed like everyone needed someone to talk to today. Including me!

Got some cleaning done today... laundry, living room dusted and vacuumed, sorting through treatment junk. Been an okay day... oh and some Mormons came over and gave me the book of mormon. hehehehe Not sure what to think of it, but hey, can't be all bad. :)

I was at mom and dad's last night after therapy until about 11. They got a new car and wanted to show it off a little. Very snazzy car! Dad's truck is almost dead... the gas tank has a leak and now the speedometer stopped working. What a piece, huh?

I want to get my moped up and running soon, too. I need to take it in somewhere to have it looked at. It just doesn't start for crap.